COSMIC VINYL - a healer’s prose
I often find that the things coming up for me in my own personal healing are synchronous with the support my clients are seeking. I can intuit when sharing a relevant story from my lived experience will be helpful. When this signal is felt, I pull from my well of emotional and psychic waters to offer a reflective mirror for them.
At the heart of healing, we each need to feel seen. I’m so blessed for the teachers and healers in my life who helped me learn how to observe myself. I wouldn’t have been able to do so without them witnessing me.
Some of my guides were professional therapists, and the most life changing experiences I had were with initiated healers. Countless others were simply earthly angels, or strangers, acquaintances, and friends crossing my path and saying exactly what I needed to hear, or doing something I needed to see, at the precise time I needed to receive it. Other earth angels unknowingly would throw me a glance, and it felt like I was catching a piece of the collective human spirit. The subliminal gesture was like a tow rope fervently tossed overboard to rescue a swimmer lost out at sea.
I think their souls knew, and not their conscious minds, to reach out and catch me. And my soul knew to reach through my subconscious mind, and into my body, to produce a throbbing internal sensation that implored me to hang on and dig in. I call this sensation The Deep Knowing, or my intuition.
Most healers* called to professionally hold space for others have suffered a voyage into the abyss. Our journey tests our resistance to pressure as our plights plunge us into unknown depths of our respective opaque, inky shadows. The course ultimately reveals our full nature; without the knowledge of one’s depth, there would be no faith in the infinite cast of our shine.
In this epic saga, we break free from the binary of the physical versus the non-physical Self. We accept our holistic, non-dual experience of Higher Self (or the soul, consciousness, or higher mind) and Lower Self, or ego consciousness, as One.
Once we arrive into our full Self, we see how all the parts that played out were just so, performed with exact timing like an orchestrated symphony directed by the graceful arms of a great conductor. But, as healers feel called to help rescue and help heal the world, when we go to grab our own sheet music to share with others, we realize we’re not able to. Each person needs their own bio-secure and psychic-secure code of instructions to follow.
I was given the sheet music for my part, and the suffering was training me how to play my own instrument, or mind-body. As I move through my course of daily life and significant events, I’m provided the practice needed to get myself ‘in tune’ to the notes that my own personal nature was born to play.
Because of this, each healer has advice delivered in a rhythm that speaks to what they’ve lived through. When you feel called to work with a certain therapist or healer, or called to be in a certain environment, there is harmony in your instruments, and resonance in your respective natures. Something about the place, and/or person, matches the vibration of healing and development your Soul has assigned for you at that time.
Your soul downloads your very own sheet of music into your sub conscious, and as you live, grieve, fail, and succeed your special contribution in life’s score becomes clear to your conscious mind. You feel more and more confident with your instrument, and become ever more in tune with your Self and the parts you play.
In this way, at different phases in our lives, we are sharing songs with people that help us become more advanced with how we use, and understand, our own instrument. Some songs are short and sweet intros, others are pleasant melodies, and yet others are off tempo and out of tune.
With a few, whom we are truly soul mated with, the song is a long player like John Cage’s symphony, As Slow as Possible. This piece, played by a computerized machine, is the longest score of music ever written, lasting 639 years. The beginning of the piece started in 2001 with a pause that lasted until 2003, when the first note finally played.
Within this cosmic symphony, you have personal agency. I encourage my clients to use it with a couple simple sayings,
1) “flip. the. record.”
2) “change the song.”
The record, or collection of songs, represents different takes on your personal narrative, or how you identify yourself with the circumstances of your life’s history. The record player is your mind, and the needle is your current perspective that plays the attitude and beliefs that you act, or dance by.
You can imagine some songs, or narratives, are so debilitating that there may be no inspiration for the body to move at all. If you don’t like Side A, you can always switch to Side B, you can drift between the songs, and then move within one until your notes feel good to you, or until you know that you’re ready to move on.
You have creative power! You have free will to ‘switch the song’ when something in your world doesn’t feel right in your Deep Knowing. And as you skip through songs, you become more and more in tune with your own Spirit.
When I was a kid, I loved Side B on my favorite single tapes because it was always reserved for the track that was less mainstream. At 17, I had stumbled across the movie Basquiat, directed by Julian Schnabel, an biopic of a life lived on Side B.
I noticed that the great artist, Jean-Michel Basquiat, relentlessly paved his own way. In addition to being viscerally inspired by his self production, I also identified with his internal struggle in being mixed race- another example of a less mainstream narrative.
As I was watching the film, I had a Deep Knowing that I would do my life that way. I had no desire to replicate the exact course of Basquiat’s timeline. I only wanted to be like him in the fierce way he forged through life by his own pathway, and his natural conviction to belong.
This sweet, mental souvenir from my senior year of high school was a significant moment. I felt myself connect with my own record player. Other people are happy to let something, or someone else, play their record. Not me; but it did take my entire life thus far to understand how to use my equipment.
As a middle aged, peri-menopausal woman, I’m finally in full control with how I “lift the needle of my record player.” I have reached the stage in my spiritual and personal development where I am comfortable being both the Observer, and the Observed.
This means I trust my own record player; I trust my own mind. I know how to use it. I can feel myself play out my thoughts. I can mentally step aside to observe myself and what I intuit needs improvement, or developing. I’m not perfect at it, but I do know I am a free thinker.
Most importantly:
I trust what my record player is plugged into for power; a super consciousness with an intricate design and order beyond my earthly comprehension.
Being human, I sometimes will mistakingly plug my player into the wrong power source. An example of this could be believing in someone, or something, that I end up realizing I’m misaligned with. Another example could be an attitude or belief my ego holds that depletes more life force power than it gives. If I find I’m plugged into the wrong jack, I unplug and then plug back into to Source.
As you get comfortable with your own cosmic vinyl, your songs, and your record player, I do hope you’ll feel equipped for a mindset revolution.
Infinite ease & kindness to you, dear and brilliant Soul.
Love, Kat
*healer: a person who becomes whole by loving and accepting the fragments of their wounds.
